Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
