I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
