What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
