In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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