i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize