I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
