i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
