i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
