I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
