nut hugger
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
soo... how was my night?
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