Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
