The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
