Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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