Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
