Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
