Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
