i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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