well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
