I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
