I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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