Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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