??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
