i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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