I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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