Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
