Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
