You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
