u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize