I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
