You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
