the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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