I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
