you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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