Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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