i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
