In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
