he wants to bone in the snuggie
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
