yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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