New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize