Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
