i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
