I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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