He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
