bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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