I'm lost and stupid without you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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