TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
