You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
two words: eviction party
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize