It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
