I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize