either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
