TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize