I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
