Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize