I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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