I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just cut my nipple shaving
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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