So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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