remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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