im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
