Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
