the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
