Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You need a sexual gate keeper
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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