Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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