Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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