1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
