Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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