Who did Billy Mays play for?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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