just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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