I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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