waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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