What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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