I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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