it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
