so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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